Dear You
by Nobdy'sMelody
Summary: a letter written by Nina, explaining why she chose who she chose. simple, really. i read it to my best friend right after i wrote it and she loved it, so it's on here now. R&R. : T to be safe


Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea. And the words. And the voices in my head.

**Dear You…**

Dear You,

Number one: Ichii…

Now he was a cool, level-headed guy. Calm. Collect.

Mature.

But not very exciting. Never rallied-up. Always a bit _too_ cautious.

"Is this okay?" "Is this okay?"

Sometimes…I felt as if he were more of a bodyguard or assistant than a potential boyfriend, y'know?

But I could never forget how he'd throw his cool out the window to put Zero or some other guy in line for me.

Or how he'd help me with my work, explaining the things I didn't understand.

Or how patient he was with me when I got frustrated about things.

Yes, my Ichii was amazing.

Number two: Zero…

A quick-tempered, stubborn _boy_. Immature. Jealous. A hardhead.

With his stupid blue hair.

Never stopped to ask: "Is this okay?" He always went with his gut feeling.

I hated the silent days, the stubborn glares, the cold shoulders, the constant war zones because of out petty fights.

But I loved his arms wrapping around my waist from behind, pulling my closer to him on one of the nights he would sleep over.

Just remembering the way he would curl his arms around me on cold nights waiting for my mom to pick me up, sharing his warmth, burying his heated face in my neck, whispering confessions of love, made my heart swell and skip beats.

Thinking about how he'd clamp his hands over my eyes and croon "guess whoooo?" in my ear at lunch before sliding into the seat beside me to say "it's only your best buddy who _always_ delivers" and pulling out some sweet treat for me, made me bite my lip and blush.

Or how he'd slip his sweatshirt around my shoulders or hold my hand under our desk in class or kiss my cheek when he thought the teacher couldn't see.

Or how his cheeks would heat up and his blue eyes lower to the ground shyly, a soft smile accompanying the embarrassed "yes" when I asked him if he loved me.

Yes, my zero was adorable.

But how could a girl choose between them?  
I needed someone who I could fight with, who treated me like I could take things like a man.

But I also needed him to be gentle with me, to sometimes be afraid I could break like porcelain.

…

My choice was not an easy one.

I was torn between to loves, so in love with two.

And I'll always have my biggest "what if" hanging over my head.

I wish I could've chosen both of you. I wish I could've said: "both of you! I choose both of you!"

But that couldn't happen.

Because I had to devote myself fully to one person. That one person.

I believe in my heart I chose right. I really do.

When I wake up in the morning to electric blue eyes that belong to a baby-faced boy whose hair matches these endless orbs, maybe I'll think of you.

Maybe I'll miss the warm red-brown color of your eyes.

Maybe I'll miss your always calm, collected expression.

But, even if I miss everything about you, I'll still think I chose right.

You hide your emotions so well, Ichii. I couldn't tell if you were upset when you said "well? Who did you choose, Nina?" and I answered with his name:

"Zero."

Your face was a mask. No hint of sadness or anger.

Were you smiling behind those tight lips of yours? Were your teeth clenched behind them? Or were your lips truly trembling, wet with tears, behind your ever-present mask?

I couldn't tell.

Were you disappointed? Sad? Angry? Happy? Relieved?

Maybe I'll never know.

All you did was shrug and nod: "Okay. I'm happy for you." You turned and walked away.

Were you really happy? I couldn't tell. There was no emotion in your voice. It was empty.

I watched your back as you walked away.

Did your heart hurt as much as mine did then? Did you want to pull me into your arms and beg me to reconsider, to choose you?

Maybe, Ichii, if you had, just maybe, I would've changed my mind.

But, that's a "what if" hanging over my head. And I can just not look up and forget.

And now I'm happy with Zero. I love him. And he loves me.

That's all I know for sure. That I love him.

With all my heart.

Please understand, Ichii.

Understand your feelings. And my feelings. And Zero's.

And the details of the situation.

Because I hardly do.

Explain it to me.

Help me understand.

Like you used to, before.

Please,

Nina.

Author's Note:

Well, here it is. My attempt at a _Save Me! Lollipop_ fanfic. I'm so sorry if anyone seems out of character. I've never done anything for this before and I'm not that familiar with it, so…

Please review. They keep me going!

But no flames please! They make me go to my sad place.


End file.
